13 Love Hotels
by DukeLawliet
Summary: When L and Misa are forced to share rooms at 13 wacky theme love hotels, sparks fly, and feelings are revealed! Rated M for themes and possibly later chapters. An oversized Lollipop to anyone who reviews!
1. Arabia

_This is Duke Lawliet speaking! As this is my first story, I ask for no flames, please. Now perch on down, grab a gratuitously large slice of cake, and enjoy!_

"Panda, Panda...", chimed the looping jukebox. _"Well,at least there's cake.", _L lugubriously thought. How had he gotten himself into this mess! When Misa first said she wanted to travel cross country to get to the beach, and also take a small vacation with Light, who would reveal some big secret (please be a confession, please be a confession!) L was suspicious. Was she to meet Light for some nefarious purpose? Yes, it had yo be! And so he found out it was. Her agent wanted to take some photos at various locations to have on file, ending with a film shoot at the beach.! Horrors! He HAD to go. He might kill when he wasn't looking, and Sochihiro would be meeting them at the beach, him supervising Light.

It was decided that it would be impossible to travel by train (No! My beautiful visage must not be seen by the public!), and a plane would have the same problem. So it was further decided that driving was the only sensible solution. They were to take Misa's wasabi-green convertible, making many stops along the way in a crazy zig-zaging pattern. There first stop was to be Hakone, for a shot at the top of Mt. Fuji. L and Misa were doing last minute shopping in Harjuku.

By this time the cake and Misa had arrived simultaneously, the cake being delivered by a meek woman in what could easily be described as some sort of fetishist panda costume. The cake was a large half sphere, with 1/2 of the top cut out and decorated to look like a mouth. In this mouth, candied fruit was stuffed, and the rest of the cake decorated as a panda's head. Thus did L buy a cake shaped like a regurgitating panda.

"Where have you been? Rush Hour is going to pick up soon." "Sorry, but I was just buying clothes from the new Misa-Misa line at Jeans-Mate!" "You do realize they're just cheap knockoffs of your gothic lolita style, don't you?" "Exactlty! I don't want everyone to know I'm Misa, but I still wanna look hot. Don't you think I'm pretty?" With this, L blushed furiously, turned, and payed for the cake.

Three hours, 2 showers, and 4 lollipops laters, they were ready to go. Once they got to the car, the first probleem arose. "I can't drive this car.", L bluntly stated. "I can't apply, the gas and breaks by hand, and therefore, I can not crouch, leading to a reduced ability to monitorr you." "But I've only passed basic driving! My chauffures take me everywhere!" Well, L couldn't stand to sit like a normal human for an extended period, so the idea of Misa driving, no matter what the risks, was quickly adopted.

Four hours into the trip, those dangers became reality. While L quietly nibbled on a pach of chocolate-coated rasberry jam shortbread cookies, the cake in his lap, he watched Misa intently. Misa, who still hadn't _quite_ gotten over her imprisonment and period of observation by "Mr. Stalker", and as everyone knows, when you get nervous, you make mistakes. And when you make mistakes at something you're not very good at to begin with, there can be serious consequences. Naturally, a ditch on the side of the road acted as if it was magnetic to Misa. Cake went flying everywhere. Imagine a whole panda's head of sweets, covering both Misa and L!

When both L and Misa had regained their senses, a small tear rolled down his cheek. He raised one, bruised, finger, and slowly rolled it down Misa's cheek.

"Buttercream..."

As the tears formed in L's eyes, Misa changed to the picture of repentance.

"Don't cry! Misa-Misa will find a way to make it up to you. I knoww...ah...we'll go to the 50 cake buffet at the Shinjuku Hilton!!"

"...well...throw in a stuffed panda and two pinapples, and we'll call it a deal." "Deal."

But a larger proble than L's allocation of sweets was upon them. L and Misa were in the middle of nowhere. All they could see was a small town in the distance. Misa called a tow truck, and they rode into town.

"Well, it's pretty busted up. But give me till 9'o clock tommorow morning, and I'll have it all fixed up for you. In the meantime you can stay at the Hotel across the street.", said the burly mechanic.

As L and Misa approached the Hotel, still covered in liquified cake, they noticed that the Hotel was disturbingly...phallic. It was 8 stories tall, and the top 3 floors bulged oddly.

"Well!" gasped the receptionist as they walked into the lobby. "We can't have such filthy, filthy people staying at THIS love hotel. Well, I suppose we can, but only in the Wet n' Wild room, and that's already reserved." Misa was...appropriatly mortified. L showed no emotion, but anyone who knew him would see the slightly amused glimmer in his eyes.

"Well, what rooms are available, let me see...ah! We have _one_ room available! Arabian harem fantasy! And your in luck! That room comes with fantasy role-play outfits!" Now, even if you didn't know L, you could tell that he belived Karma had struck a rightous blow to Misa. Anyone who didn't know Misa, could tell she was nervously wondering what a Harem was.

As they entered the room, fully decked out in pastel poof-pants, and a pastel poof bikini-top for Misa, and an open linen shirt for L, they both almost died laughing. The circular bed had a mushroom dome canopy, and thick, gauzy (and gaudy) curtains surrounding it. This was next to the condom display and the elctronic trivia machine.

Once the door shut however, tension arose (pardon the pun) once more. "These pants are fantastic!" L declared. "So light! So airy! So easy to perch in! The color of a delicious pastry!" Misa, however, did not share Ls enthusiasm, and quickly tried to distract herself.

"Trivia!" Misa said. "Simple, fun, **safe** Trivia! Now lets see..'What is the capital of Italy'...Milan! Fashion capital of the world!" "WRONG!" blared the machine. "TIME TO SPIN THE PENALTY WHEEL!" A large wheel of fortune span on the screen, finally stopping on a pink space. "AN EXITING MASSAGE, FOLLOWED WITH 'HAPPY ENDING'! YOUR PARTNER WILL LOVE YOUR LACK OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT GEOGRAPHY!"

This sent Misa over the edge! She went flyuing towards the nightstand, searching for the Gideon Bible! She opened it to a random page, looking for a sign!

_"Vashtakra, the mantis is a difficult  
pose that can fuffill even  
the **LUSTIEST** of partners."_

It was going to be a long night.


	2. Artistic Liscence

_Once more this is DukeLawliet speaking. Please keep all hands, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times, and a delicate strawberry cake to anyone who reviews! Thanks in advance!_

_P.S.: The Panda Place from Chapter 1 is real. It is even more frightening than described._

_Authors Note: All places described are real, and have been visited by the author._

Morning came, but not soon enough. As Misa and L awoke, they saw something...distressing. To leave the room, they would have to pay through a little machine next to the door. This would open the lock, and allow them to leave. "My purse is in the car!" Misa shrieked. L, remaining perfectly calm stated "I spent my last cash on the panda cake." "So what are we going to do? Our clothes are at the hotel dry-cleaning service, and we're on the third floor! Let's see the super-genius ge3t out of this!" "Well, the obvious solution is to tie-up these tacky curtains and make a rope to lower ourselves to outside the window." "But we're wearing ridiculous fantasy lingerie! We can't be seen in public!"

Five minutes later, Alladin and Jasmine were dashing across the street. "_Good God,"_ L thought. _"All i need is a magic lamp." "Good God,"_Misa thought. _"these pants make my butt look huge."_

After slipping 8,000 Yen into the hotel mailbox, and changing in the bathrooms of the repair station, they were on there way.

It should be noted that at this point, with all vestiges of her dignity stripped from her in the previous 24 hours, Misa was, for lack of a better term, a wreck. The car had become Misa's domain, and their was no escape for the prisoner that was L.

As they merrily sped towards Hakone, Misa blared only one thing...Madonna. "_Well," _thought L. _"she certaintly is a 'Material Girl', but I get the impression she's not 'Like a Virgin'."_3 hours of torturous music, all grating at L's nerves in a cacophony of sound.

L was weak. He saw a 7-11 in the the town of Hakone, bordering Mt. Fuji, and he bolted for it. As misa struggled behind lugging a heavy suitcase, L bought and ate 3 packs of sherbet balls, 1 vanilla milkshake pouch, and a mini Haggen Das cup. There was no trace of any of it by the time Misa arrived.

"What was that about!" Misa exclaimed. "Nothing, Nothing! I just needed a bathroom, that's all." As a matter of fact, L had an irrational fear of the toilets of 7-11's. After one had screamed at him in a shrill voice, then blasted him with a malfunctioning bidet, all while singing Merrily to cover up any bodily noises (or the screams of it's victims, L thought), he only used toilets after another had tested it first, and certainly never one at a 7-11.

"Now," said Misa. "My manager wanted a few shots at the Hakone Open Air Museum, so thats are first stop."

After an hour on the slowest train in the world (10 miles in an hour!), they had reached the museum. While Misa changed, she told L to explore, and tyhat he did.

L's favorite installation was a large structure made entirely of yarn, with many holes and tunnels in it. "You do know that the art is the patterns on the interior?" one of the curators said. L needed no further invitation to dive into the yarn.

After 5 minutes of scrambling, L reached the top, and all he could think was...wow. A dazzling symphony of colors decorated the top, each color a concentric circle. After taking in all this beauty, L found himself in a bit of trouble. He came up through one hole, but 5 led down. Forgetting which one he climbed up, L picked a chute at random, and dived in.

Naturally, this led to a dead end, and L had quickly become entangled in the yarn. He waited 5 minutes before the curator came up, and helped him down.

As L went back to see Misa, e noticed the bizarre nature of the photos the photographer took of Misa. They all consisted of her in a bikini, writhing on the yolks of 2 sculptures of fried eggs. L averted his eyes, and found more clever sculptures to get stuck in.

After another festival of lathargic transportation, they reached the docks for the final leg of their journey a boat ride. But lo and behold, the last voyage was three hours earlier. They said nothing, but slowly turned towards the ominous "art" next to them. It was Mt. Fuji... with breasts. Yes, another dubious hotel of ill-repute for our merry comrades to stay at!


End file.
